eaglesnest

I sent out an e-mail tonight — a few close palsy walsy, giving the link to this here rambly blog. For some it will be surprising to read the details of my journey, for others just a new insight into our regular chats. I did NOT e-mail relatives with the link.

There was one address I desperately wished I could type into the BCC field. But mail to the great DonKey would bounce-a-rounce-a-roo. Tears began to well in my very tired eyes. The one person in my entire life who I care about being proud of me & where I am going is no more.

I keep his addy in my address book as one might keep a postcard from some vacation, a memento to pretend it was just yesterday. I wish it were just yesterday. I could shoot out words across the Cloud and he’d be there; with creaky knees, stiff fingers, the Dovers next door, good ol Bill, et-f***in’-cetera.

He’d know me from anyone, he’d be witty, clever, biting and he’d adore me. He’d give me the no-strings attached, unconditional, all powerful parental love & more, so much beyond more, that I never evah had from anyone else in my life. Forget tears, try huge lump in my throat. There is nothing left but the words we bounced between us — his; somewhere within reach are the ol’ Bill tales, the Willits letters, the others stuff from my youthful days & mine; the tangerine poem, the math allusions & metaphors, the letters in a folder in an old e-mail address. He would have spoken sense to me early, he’d have been quiet & supportive, he’d have been there as parents are supposed to be. As one who loves us would.

He’d have tossed words, stories, poems, e-mails until I caught the drift and learned the lesson.