eaglesnest

Another big step today - I took J out for sushi so I could have his attention & no demands on mine {dog, kiddos, phone, etc}. After the soup, edamame & tempura, as we’d made some headway into the massive platter in front of us I said “I need to talk to you about some stuff.”

Now, he had been really dragging his feet about going out to dinner tonight. Part of it was his usual passive-aggressive shit he pulls anytime we are doing anything. Part of it - I think he knew the shoe was going to drop.

There was minimal discussion. He did try to say that now I had a job he would be in a better mood. And he asked if we couldn’t just stay and help him out now that I have an income again.

I called him on that. “It has never been about me working or not. You don’t like me, you don’t respect me.” He said it was “hard to respect someone who is just home all the time while you are working.”

I reminded him, yet again, of when I worked a crazy shift pregnant & with 9 months of morning sickness and he was NOT working. “I still respected you,” I said calmly.

“Well, I was taking care of you.”

“Yes, and I appreciated it. What do you think I am doing when you are working? I take care of YOU - I feed you, do your laundry, take care of your child & your house. But, you do not respect me or see how it is the same thing. Because I did it BEFORE, it doesn’t count to you now.”

There wasn’t much else said. He was visibly sad, more I am certain at the reality that he woudl not be living in the same house as our son. I remained calm, he was quiet. We boxed the sushi. He went out back for a smoke and I saw him wipe his eye as he did.

I am sorry this didn’t work out for the duration. But, as I asked tonight “How long were we going to be able to keep living in the same house as R’s parents and nothing more? It wasn’t working. Nobody is happy.”

Now, there are no more ropes or even as he used to quip strings. Now we are beginning to untangle the ties that bound us way too long.

Now we can grow.

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